tentacletrainer | Chapter 27; Text

[[Don't be offended when Karkitty decides to avoid you, Casey. Removing himself from Guile's side, he hops onto the couch and perches behind Rose, eying the rabbit. Haze, however, will at least offer you curious sniffs from where she's buried against her mother's side. She remembers you!]]

Thank you for the vote of confidence, John...

[[Looking at her free hand, she sort of...makes a few week grasping motions with it.]]

...I just feel...a little empty right now. Empty and worried...

[She won't be. You are just missing out, Karkitty. Look at all these cuddles that Guile and Haze are getting. And you get none. What a shame.]

That's...understandable. I'm a little worried myself, to be honest. At least they were both safe here.

[[Well MAYBE he doesn't want your cuddles. Maybe he would just prefer to sit around and be angry that his trainers keep leaving.

Guile and Haze meanwhile seem to be perfectly okay with these cuddles. These cuddles are wonderful.]]

...yeah. And Karkat...I don't believe he had a moirail back in the Veil. And...while I don't think I fully grasp the concept, I can't help feeling...ugh.

[[Resting her head in her hand, she rubs at her face a little.]]

[Well fine then, Meowster Grumpypants. You be that way! More for these two!]

I think you did a good job. He seemed...happier? I don't know if that's the right word, but you obviously had an effect on him. A good effect, I mean.

[[And he will, thank you very much. He likes his perch.]]

...mm. Thank you. It's reassuring to hear that. I just hope he's okay. It feels awful not being able to be there for him...

[[Drawing her feet up onto the couch, she wraps her free arm around her knees and buries into them slightly.]]

I really hate this, John. I'm tired of everyone leaving. I've been tired of it. What is even the point? Why are we here?

[Oh jeez, he knows that stance...the curling up. Oh, Rose...he really wants to hug you or something but...]

He'll...he'll be fine, I'm sure. This is Karkat, after all. [If he says it enough, maybe it'll be true.] And...it's not your fault that you can't be there for him. You didn't ask for him to leave. I doubt he wanted to leave...and I don't think he would want you to feel bad over the fact that you can't be there.

[That next part though...]

I don't know what the point is, Rose. I really wish I did because I just...want this to stop. I can't deal with it anymore.

I know he will. It's silly of me to worry, he's really quite capable. Despite feeling the need to defend that point whether it was in question or not. He really is.

And I know it isn't my fault, but it still...it's still an awful feeling.

[[She would not be opposed to a hug. In the absence of such comforting affection, your hand's getting a rather tight squeeze, because she hasn't let that go.]]

I do too.

That's not silly at all. It's natural to worry about friends. Moirails even more so, I think. Since...that's like super best friends or...something. I am probably misunderstanding the concept still.

[If you want a hug, Rose, you're going to have to initiate it yourself because he doesn't trust himself not to make things awkward. The most you're getting is a small rub of his thumb over the back of your hand.]

I just...hope nobody else leaves. I can't take it anymore...

[[Can she just curl up against your side instead? She doesn't want to unfurl...but her arm is moving from wrapping around her knees to wrapping around your arm instead, face nestling against your shoulder.]]

It's...similar to that, I suppose. But it comes with a higher level of dependency.

[[Yes, let's talk about this. This is a much better subject for now.]]

One person within the relationship is deemed reckless in some way or another. Physically violent without the means to keep themselves from harming others irreparably for a variety of reasons or no reason at all; Foolishly bullheaded and willing to risk their own life as well as the lives of others to accomplish what they want...

Senselessly angry to the point they're blinded to what they do and say, leading to them doing and saying incredibly stupid things...or doing incredibly dangerous things out of rage...those are a few examples.

They are the ones who need a moirail. The moirail in some way balances them, and helps to keep them from doing those things. They try and improve those negative points, while encouraging their positive points. They try and make them a better troll.

It can also work in reverse, where the one who needs the moirail is able to do the same for their moirail in return. It's a relationship heavily based on trust. Trust that your moirail knows how to help you. Trust that your moirail will be willing to help you. That they'll be able to. In some cases, trust that they know what to do in a situation where you may not. It's also a very open relationship.

If you can't be open with your moirail, they can't always help you. Meaning...a lot of very personal information is shared. Information you may not be willing to tell anyone else about, no matter who they are. So you have to trust that your moirail will utilize that information without betraying you and telling it to everyone.

[You are more than welcome to do this, Rose. Though John isn't exactly sure what to think of that gesture. Though it's making his chest feel funny. He does his best to ignore that though, in favor of quietly listening to her explanation of moirallegiance instead.]

Oh. Yeah, I can...see where someone like Karkat would benefit having someone like you there for him like that.

[He's...not really sure what else to say to that explanation. But that funny feeling in his chest is even more intense now. Though...it's a different kind of feeling. One that he doesn't quite understand.]

Yes. And...hopefully he did benefit. Though now that I'm thinking on it...I wonder if he took anything of what I said back with him...if it meant anything, or if he won't remember...

[[And now the idea of Karkat returning and not remembering is crossing her mind...Okay John. You're getting that hug. She's turning, unfurling, chasing Tick and Nartac away (because it's already hard enough to properly curl up with John with them there) and wrapping her arm around your shoulders. She's not saying anything. She no longer wants to. Talking means thinking about the subject, and she'd rather forget it for now. She might just be crying a little as well.]]

[For a moment, he is caught completely off-guard, unsure of what to do while that weird feeling in his chest grows even weirder. It's like his heart is trying to break and soar in happiness at the same time. But mostly just break, because even though she's hugging him? The circumstances surrounding the hug are painful and undesirable and fuck, he just doesn't want her to be sad like this. He doesn't want her to cry.]

[Slightly hesitantly, he wraps his arms around her, giving her a tiny squeeze.]

Rose, it meant more than just "anything" to him. I could tell that much...it really meant a lot. He lost Dave but through everything, he had you. And he would be stupid not to appreciate that.

[[She knows it did. She actually had been referring to "If it really mattered, seeing as he probably won't remember." And is about to correct you. But the rest of what you say pretty much kills any chance of that, as she simply squeezes you in return, and definitely cries more openly.

Johto, she hates you. And wishes you would stop taking people important to her away.]]

[Surprisingly? John knew what she meant, but he was trying to avoid that topic because...well that's depressing to think about. Because Karkat won't remember. Just like he probably won't remember the fact that he and John are friends when he comes back.]

[Throat tightening, he rubs her back a little, resting his head on her shoulder and whispering to her:]

Please don't cry, Rose...please.

[[Hearing his request has her trying to choke back what she can, moving one arm to wipe at her eyes.]]

I apologize, John. I'll...I'll stop.

[[Look at her. Thirteen years old and crying. Her mom would probably be ashamed. Likely offer her a hug in a passive-aggressive attempt at scolding her for being so weak.]]

I'm being ridiculous. This isn't something to be so upset over...

No it's not because you're being ridiculous. You aren't. It's perfectly normal and acceptable to be upset over this. It's just...if you keep crying then I'm going to start crying and... [He's too choked up to continue with that train of though and, fuck, are his eyes starting to get a little wet? Goddammit...don't cry John. Do not start crying in front of Rose.]

Don't you cry too. [[Pulling away now to look at his face. No tears? None yet, but he looks like there's about to be.]]

I didn't mean to make you cry as well. This will be the second time, and I will feel terrible for it.

I don't want to and I'm not trying to, just...you know when other people start crying it makes me cry too.

[Wait that makes it sound like...]

And it's not your fault so don't try and apologize for anything. Because it's just...it's not.

I...alright.

[[She was about to apologize, but stops herself when told not to. Sighing, she moves to lean back against him, shifting as Karkitty eyes her lap to invite the Pokemon into it, and smiling a little when he takes the offer. Gently stroking his head and back, she nestles her cheek against John's shoulder.]]

Thank you. I'm fairly certain I said that already, but it needs to be said again.

It's not a problem. This is the kind of thing friends are for, right? So...I'll always be here for you. Whenever you need anything, just ask.

[Fuck why does it hurt so much to say that? Hold on, he has to wipe his eye now. With the and that Rose isn't leaning against, of course. He's not crying though, his eye just itches. Yup. That was totally not a tear right there.]

[[She doesn't say anything at first, noticing that he's wiping his eye though. She would like to say something, but she can't really think of what to say to that. He might not always be here...this is painfully clear now.

So instead, she curls up a little against him with a nod.]]

[Hesitantly, he moves the arm she's leaning against to wrap it around her shoulders instead, pulling her in a little closer. His heart is absolutely racing at this point and a few more tears are spilling from the corners of his eyes. Emotions? Yeah...he's feeling a lot of those right now. Too many conflicting ones at once.]

[[Careful John. You crying will likely make her cry again. Though luckily she has yet to notice.]]

You are also welcome to come to me, should you need anything...

[He's not crying, dammit. These are single manly tears of sadness. Only...there are multiples. But still they are coming only one at a time!]

[He nods though, once again a little to choked up to speak. When he attempts to, it just comes out strangled and low.]

Y-Yeah...I know. Thanks, Rose. I...I will.

[Even though he probably won't...since most of the stuff he NEEDS to talk about involves you...]

[[She'd understand, so it's alright. The sound to his voice, however, has her pulling back to look at him. And the tears have her choking up again. Your multiple single manly tears? Are met with multiple single girly tears.

Again, her cheek meets his shoulder, one arm wrapping around his while the other continues to pay Karkitty attention.]]

...John. It will be okay. It will.

Chapter 27; Text

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action; oh hai i needed this icon.

Action; Oh hello.

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

action;

action; ...that was supposed to say "hand" not "and" WOW I CAN'T TYPE TODAY.

Action; Hehehe.

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;

Action;

action;