[[Hesitant as she is, after having been told to shut up previously, she sighs and sits up slightly.]]
I have a feeling I will only make this worse. But I will try.
While you my have had psychopaths within your session, you were not one of them. The human race has psychopaths within it, and I assure you it is much different than being one, or knowing you are going to become one.
Personally, I find it frightening. Interesting, in a way, but that is simply the part of me wanting to find out how these people tick. How they work. When I set that aside, it is terrifying knowing they could be anywhere. Especially when you are helpless against them.
From everything I have heard and gathered and observed, the troll race is conditioned to be able to handle themselves. In all situations. If you were to be tossed out with nothing but the clothes on your back, you would survive. I am sure you would have a fairly easy time of it.
I would not.
Being controlled or manipulated into doing something is, first and foremost, not your fault. If you are being controlled, you cannot control it. If Dave came over, picked your hand up, and forced you to punch me, that would not be your fault. Nor would I treat it as such. Upon whomever was doing the controlling rests the blame. Them and them alone.
As for the worry of being culled, you would be surprised. I am not sure what all would give the others reason to kill you, but we surely have just as many reasons. You are not pretty enough. You are not popular enough. You are not smart enough. You do not look right, or act right, or talk right. You are not interested in the same things as the majority of the populace, you do not believe in the same beliefs as the rest of your race, you do not believe in anything at all. If I gave the right person the wrong look - just a look. Or perhaps I walked by them just ever so out of step - I could be put down on the spot for it. All it takes is one wrong move, wrong look, wrong word. One strand of hair out of place.
I would make comment on how your title and planet mocked you, however I am unaware of this issue. And the fact you had not mentioned it within that explanation gives me a feeling I will not know for a while.
Karkat, it is not pathetic to be desperate for some form of affection, be it that of Caliginous or Flushed. It is nature for a person to crave some form of attention. For humans it is a basic need to love and be loved. To know that you are okay in the eyes of another, in the eyes of someone. To know that someone out there loves you...for you. I am sure, for trolls, hate carries the same concept. It is a need to be hated in such a passionate and needing way as you are able to give to them. To know that you are worth it. If you cannot find such a person, such a relationship, it is hard to believe you are okay. Hard to believe there is nothing wrong with you, even harder when you already previously hate yourself.
So looking to yourself for such a relationship is not pathetic. It is desperate, yes, but not pathetic. It is nature. It is a basic need, one you are simply trying to fulfill because...it is simply that.
Action; 1/2 Because yes. It is that long.
I have a feeling I will only make this worse. But I will try.
While you my have had psychopaths within your session, you were not one of them. The human race has psychopaths within it, and I assure you it is much different than being one, or knowing you are going to become one.
Personally, I find it frightening. Interesting, in a way, but that is simply the part of me wanting to find out how these people tick. How they work. When I set that aside, it is terrifying knowing they could be anywhere. Especially when you are helpless against them.
From everything I have heard and gathered and observed, the troll race is conditioned to be able to handle themselves. In all situations. If you were to be tossed out with nothing but the clothes on your back, you would survive. I am sure you would have a fairly easy time of it.
I would not.
Being controlled or manipulated into doing something is, first and foremost, not your fault. If you are being controlled, you cannot control it. If Dave came over, picked your hand up, and forced you to punch me, that would not be your fault. Nor would I treat it as such. Upon whomever was doing the controlling rests the blame. Them and them alone.
As for the worry of being culled, you would be surprised. I am not sure what all would give the others reason to kill you, but we surely have just as many reasons. You are not pretty enough. You are not popular enough. You are not smart enough. You do not look right, or act right, or talk right. You are not interested in the same things as the majority of the populace, you do not believe in the same beliefs as the rest of your race, you do not believe in anything at all. If I gave the right person the wrong look - just a look. Or perhaps I walked by them just ever so out of step - I could be put down on the spot for it. All it takes is one wrong move, wrong look, wrong word. One strand of hair out of place.
I would make comment on how your title and planet mocked you, however I am unaware of this issue. And the fact you had not mentioned it within that explanation gives me a feeling I will not know for a while.
Karkat, it is not pathetic to be desperate for some form of affection, be it that of Caliginous or Flushed. It is nature for a person to crave some form of attention. For humans it is a basic need to love and be loved. To know that you are okay in the eyes of another, in the eyes of someone. To know that someone out there loves you...for you. I am sure, for trolls, hate carries the same concept. It is a need to be hated in such a passionate and needing way as you are able to give to them. To know that you are worth it. If you cannot find such a person, such a relationship, it is hard to believe you are okay. Hard to believe there is nothing wrong with you, even harder when you already previously hate yourself.
So looking to yourself for such a relationship is not pathetic. It is desperate, yes, but not pathetic. It is nature. It is a basic need, one you are simply trying to fulfill because...it is simply that.
Raw, aching need.