tentacletrainer | Chapter 27; Text

[Doing this through text is stupid. John knows very well that there is only so much that text can do in situations like this. If this were him and Dave had disappeared again...he would want someone with him. So he closes the gear with a small snap and heads out of the room, Casey following along behind him.]

[Okay, so it's not quite a second...but after a few minutes, there's a knock at your door, Rose.]

Edited 2011-06-01 04:11 (UTC)

[[A knock? Nothing terribly unexpected. And most certainly not unwelcomed for once. For as much as she hadn't wanted to talk about Dave's second disappearance, this...was quite a bit different.

It takes a few minutes for her to wipe her eyes dry and convince her gaggle of Pokemon to stay put (not that Nartac or Tick listen, perching on her shoulders and head as usual) before the door is finally opened.]]

...hello John.

[As much as he expected her to cry over this, part of him had vainly hoped that she wouldn't. Well...she wasn't doing so now, but it was clear that she had been. And he...he didn't like that thought. He didn't like it when his friends cried. Especially Rose. Because in his mind? In his mind, Rose Lalonde is strong and simply does not to cry. Not that she isn't capable of it...she just doesn't.]

[So it's hard to deal with it when she actually does. or well, the thought of her having actually done so, in this case.]

[And standing there in the doorway, he's suddenly realizing that he's not sure what he should even say. He knew that he had to come over here and had to say something but...]

["I'm here for you"?]

["I'm sorry"?]

["It will be okay"?]

["Come on, cheer up"?]

[No, no, no, and double no. None of those would work. Those are all the things people expect to hear in situations like this. And they really...don't help much. There's only so many times you can hear "it'll be okay, he'll be back soon" before you numb yourself to those words and you just get tired of hearing them.]

[All the same? He wishes he had something better to say than...]

Hi.

[[She's expecting those too. She's expecting "I'm sorry, Rose", or "It'll be alright, Rose, you'll see". She's expecting a forced cheerful smile, one that says "I'm going to cheer you up and you're going to like it". Normal, optimistic John Egbert.

She's not sure what to think of "Hi".

Stepping out of the doorway so that he can come in, she tries to decide what to do or say beyond that.

Remember when Dave left the first time, John? And she insisted on holding your hand? That seems to be what she's deciding on this time.]]

[That was John two or three disappearances ago. That was John the first time Dave disappeared. That was John when Nepeta disappeared, when Vriska disappeared, when Claire disappeared. That was the John that John stopped being when Dave disappeared the second time. The disappearance of Karkat and Gamzee are only making "normal, optimistic John Egbert" even less likely to appear any time soon.]

[Because everyone he knows and loves will disappear eventually. Seems like Johto loves giving him a reminder of that every few weeks.]

[Closing the door after him, he is more than willing to let her hold his hand. If that's what she needs, he is more than happy to provide. He stares at their hands for a moment, trying to figure out what to say next. Since he can't exactly say "hi" again. Not only would that not make any sense, but it was stupid to say the first time around.]

So, I thought you might...need someone to talk to. [Still not looking at her, he continues to glance down at their hands.]

[[And she simply squeezes his at that statement, a simple nod the only answer he's given at first. She does want to talk, she's just...not sure what to say. Where to start.

So she decides to start by stepping forward, and reaching to take his other hand.]]

...thank you.

[Casey's going to come over and sniff you, Rose. Hope you don't mind. She just wants to know why you are so sad. You and daddy both, why are you always so sad? She doesn't like it when the people she loves are sad.]

You're welcome.

[John is more than happy to take Rose's other hand. Though he still seems more interested in staring at their hands than at her face.]

Do you want to go sit down?

[[She would never mind, Casey. She would give you pets, but she doesn't want to let go of John's hands.

At the suggestion of going to sit down, she nods.]]

...though. Mind Karkitty and Haze. Neither...are in very good moods...

I can imagine.

[Letting go of one of her hands, he starts leading her over to the couch. Casey latches onto Rose's arm now that it's free, looking up at her and giving a small, sad Lo....]

[If you will let him, Rose, he will bring you all the way over to the couch, pulling you down to sit with him at one end. Sadly, throughout this entire journey and even after sitting down, he is still avoiding eye contact.]

So...

[[She allows him to do so, doing her best to give Casey a few pets of the reassuring kind. Sitting down, she stares at her lap for a bit before hesitantly leaning against John's shoulder.]]

I'm honestly...not really sure what to say. Or how to word what I'm feeling and thinking right now, I suppose.

[Casey was about to settle on the couch on Rose's other side and try and comfort the two kids, but then she caught sight of CG and Haze. Deciding that Daddy and Rosie can take care of each other, she moves over to go comfort these two instead.]

I can understand that. [That's kind of how he felt after Dave disappeared the second time.] Take your time. Hehe, if there's anybody who can figure out how to word things, it's you. So...when you figure that out... [He trails off, unsure of where he was going with that.]

[[Don't be offended when Karkitty decides to avoid you, Casey. Removing himself from Guile's side, he hops onto the couch and perches behind Rose, eying the rabbit. Haze, however, will at least offer you curious sniffs from where she's buried against her mother's side. She remembers you!]]

Thank you for the vote of confidence, John...

[[Looking at her free hand, she sort of...makes a few week grasping motions with it.]]

...I just feel...a little empty right now. Empty and worried...

[She won't be. You are just missing out, Karkitty. Look at all these cuddles that Guile and Haze are getting. And you get none. What a shame.]

That's...understandable. I'm a little worried myself, to be honest. At least they were both safe here.

[[Well MAYBE he doesn't want your cuddles. Maybe he would just prefer to sit around and be angry that his trainers keep leaving.

Guile and Haze meanwhile seem to be perfectly okay with these cuddles. These cuddles are wonderful.]]

...yeah. And Karkat...I don't believe he had a moirail back in the Veil. And...while I don't think I fully grasp the concept, I can't help feeling...ugh.

[[Resting her head in her hand, she rubs at her face a little.]]

[Well fine then, Meowster Grumpypants. You be that way! More for these two!]

I think you did a good job. He seemed...happier? I don't know if that's the right word, but you obviously had an effect on him. A good effect, I mean.

[[And he will, thank you very much. He likes his perch.]]

...mm. Thank you. It's reassuring to hear that. I just hope he's okay. It feels awful not being able to be there for him...

[[Drawing her feet up onto the couch, she wraps her free arm around her knees and buries into them slightly.]]

I really hate this, John. I'm tired of everyone leaving. I've been tired of it. What is even the point? Why are we here?

[Oh jeez, he knows that stance...the curling up. Oh, Rose...he really wants to hug you or something but...]

He'll...he'll be fine, I'm sure. This is Karkat, after all. [If he says it enough, maybe it'll be true.] And...it's not your fault that you can't be there for him. You didn't ask for him to leave. I doubt he wanted to leave...and I don't think he would want you to feel bad over the fact that you can't be there.

[That next part though...]

I don't know what the point is, Rose. I really wish I did because I just...want this to stop. I can't deal with it anymore.

I know he will. It's silly of me to worry, he's really quite capable. Despite feeling the need to defend that point whether it was in question or not. He really is.

And I know it isn't my fault, but it still...it's still an awful feeling.

[[She would not be opposed to a hug. In the absence of such comforting affection, your hand's getting a rather tight squeeze, because she hasn't let that go.]]

I do too.

That's not silly at all. It's natural to worry about friends. Moirails even more so, I think. Since...that's like super best friends or...something. I am probably misunderstanding the concept still.

[If you want a hug, Rose, you're going to have to initiate it yourself because he doesn't trust himself not to make things awkward. The most you're getting is a small rub of his thumb over the back of your hand.]

I just...hope nobody else leaves. I can't take it anymore...

[[Can she just curl up against your side instead? She doesn't want to unfurl...but her arm is moving from wrapping around her knees to wrapping around your arm instead, face nestling against your shoulder.]]

It's...similar to that, I suppose. But it comes with a higher level of dependency.

[[Yes, let's talk about this. This is a much better subject for now.]]

One person within the relationship is deemed reckless in some way or another. Physically violent without the means to keep themselves from harming others irreparably for a variety of reasons or no reason at all; Foolishly bullheaded and willing to risk their own life as well as the lives of others to accomplish what they want...

Senselessly angry to the point they're blinded to what they do and say, leading to them doing and saying incredibly stupid things...or doing incredibly dangerous things out of rage...those are a few examples.

They are the ones who need a moirail. The moirail in some way balances them, and helps to keep them from doing those things. They try and improve those negative points, while encouraging their positive points. They try and make them a better troll.

It can also work in reverse, where the one who needs the moirail is able to do the same for their moirail in return. It's a relationship heavily based on trust. Trust that your moirail knows how to help you. Trust that your moirail will be willing to help you. That they'll be able to. In some cases, trust that they know what to do in a situation where you may not. It's also a very open relationship.

If you can't be open with your moirail, they can't always help you. Meaning...a lot of very personal information is shared. Information you may not be willing to tell anyone else about, no matter who they are. So you have to trust that your moirail will utilize that information without betraying you and telling it to everyone.

[You are more than welcome to do this, Rose. Though John isn't exactly sure what to think of that gesture. Though it's making his chest feel funny. He does his best to ignore that though, in favor of quietly listening to her explanation of moirallegiance instead.]

Oh. Yeah, I can...see where someone like Karkat would benefit having someone like you there for him like that.

[He's...not really sure what else to say to that explanation. But that funny feeling in his chest is even more intense now. Though...it's a different kind of feeling. One that he doesn't quite understand.]

Yes. And...hopefully he did benefit. Though now that I'm thinking on it...I wonder if he took anything of what I said back with him...if it meant anything, or if he won't remember...

[[And now the idea of Karkat returning and not remembering is crossing her mind...Okay John. You're getting that hug. She's turning, unfurling, chasing Tick and Nartac away (because it's already hard enough to properly curl up with John with them there) and wrapping her arm around your shoulders. She's not saying anything. She no longer wants to. Talking means thinking about the subject, and she'd rather forget it for now. She might just be crying a little as well.]]

[For a moment, he is caught completely off-guard, unsure of what to do while that weird feeling in his chest grows even weirder. It's like his heart is trying to break and soar in happiness at the same time. But mostly just break, because even though she's hugging him? The circumstances surrounding the hug are painful and undesirable and fuck, he just doesn't want her to be sad like this. He doesn't want her to cry.]

[Slightly hesitantly, he wraps his arms around her, giving her a tiny squeeze.]

Rose, it meant more than just "anything" to him. I could tell that much...it really meant a lot. He lost Dave but through everything, he had you. And he would be stupid not to appreciate that.

[[She knows it did. She actually had been referring to "If it really mattered, seeing as he probably won't remember." And is about to correct you. But the rest of what you say pretty much kills any chance of that, as she simply squeezes you in return, and definitely cries more openly.

Johto, she hates you. And wishes you would stop taking people important to her away.]]

[Surprisingly? John knew what she meant, but he was trying to avoid that topic because...well that's depressing to think about. Because Karkat won't remember. Just like he probably won't remember the fact that he and John are friends when he comes back.]

[Throat tightening, he rubs her back a little, resting his head on her shoulder and whispering to her:]

Please don't cry, Rose...please.

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